folks, let me tell you about my drug screen on yesterday. the instructions were, "applicant must get urinalysis performed TODAY." not so hard, right? i had my directions, i had my lab sheet, no big deal. in fact, one of the really cool things is they sent me to a labcorp place (in southern pines) that was on my way home from the personnel office. so, i stopped there on the way home...
and they were closed. there was a sign on the door that said, "blah blah blah, left at 11:50, will be back at 1:30."
except... it was 11:40 when i got there. okay, fine. maybe my watch is slow. maybe my phone is slow, too (although i highly doubt that satellite time is slow). and i have to piss like a racehorse. fuck it. i decided to go get lunch... and i waited.
another guy showed up around 1:15. no lab tech to be found. we smoke and joke... and wait.
1:30: no lab tech to be found. dude's parents' got mad and left him there. they told him that someone from his job will pick him when he's done.
2:00: no lab tech to be found. gah. and i STILL have to pee. dude and i speculated about breaking into the joint and relieving ourselves on the carpet.
2:15: LAB TECH FINALLY SHOWS UP. she asked if we've been waiting long. we just glare at her. she started to have diarrhea of the mouth. wanna know where she was? at a graduation ceremony for her grandson. guess where her grandbaby was graduating from? KINDERGARTEN.
whiskey tango foxtrot???
i don't give a fuck. a kindergarten graduation ceremony is NOT, i say again, NOT, i spell NOVEMBER-OSCAR-TANGO, NOT a good goddamn reason to keep people waiting... especially when those people HAVE to get drug screened for employment. especially when those people have to pee in the cup by a certain cut-off time.
we weren't amused, because our eyeballs were starting to float. i let the other guy go first, since he was in a time crunch and his ride was waiting on him. as it turned out, he ended up having to go to sanford to do his urinalysis. i patiently explained to her that i needed a drug screen for the department of corrections.
she... went the fuck off. "oh, no," she said, "we don't do DOC physicals here. you're gonna have to go somewhere else. i don't know why they think we do physicals here; we have a rotating doc that only comes in once a week!!"
OMFGWTFBBQ???!! lady, take it down a thousand!! i explain, again, that i wasn't there for a physical; i was there for a drug screening. you know, pee in the cup??
this goes on for about 5 minutes, until it finally sank through the fifth layer and she realized that i wasn't there for a fucking physical. then, as she's setting up my cup, she starts telling me all about her grandbaby's graduation. from kindergarten.
finally, the cup contained urine, and i could go. THANK THE [insert higher power here].
note that my issue is the sign on the door saying that the tech would be back at 1:30 and she didn't show up until 2:15. is there anything i can do to keep this from happening to someone else?