So, I’ve been having problems for the past couple days with my keyboard-- the sort that may arise as a direct result of me knocking a half-ful bottle of water onto the keys. Whenever I typed anything,my computer began to act as if a young autistic child was joyfully pounding away on the keyboard. It was as if my laptop was speaking in tongues. Being a college student, I consider a working computer pretty much vital to my very survival.
I embark on a request to restore my trusty sidekick to its former glory. After attempting to dry it with a hairdrier, then leaving it out under a fan overnight, I took it to Circuit City. The technicians advise me to call the manufacturer, request a replacement keyboard, and bring the new part to them to install. No problem.
I return, then, to my humble abode, page through my computer manual until I find a Customer Service number for HP. I dial, and am answered by a cordial recording, asking for my name, address, and the product number of my notebook. I answer her, and am promptly transferred to… tech support.
Tech Support Dude: *Insert almost incomprehensible Indian accent here* “Thank you for calling HP tech support, may I have your name please? “
I give. Along with my email address, phone number, first born child, and computer’s product number. Finally, we get to the important part.
Tech Support Dude: “Ok Katleen (not my name), what can I help you with today?”
Me: *Explains issue, as politely as possible-- it’s not this guy’s fault I was a dumbass and spilled water on my keyboard.* “I’d like to order a replacement computer keyboard for my laptop. It may be covered by warranty, but if it’s not, I’ll pay whatever the cost may be.”
TSD: *asks me a couple other questions*
Me: *Answers questions*
TSD: “Alright Katleen, here’s what I want you to do. Go to the ‘Start’ menu and click on ‘Run.’”
Me: *Thinking “wait, what? Huh? Ooookay…” but does as is told.*
TSD: “Now, type in “PSK” in the ‘Run’ window.”
Me: “Wait, you want me to… type…”
TSD: “Yes, type in P as in Peter, S as in Sally--”
Me: “No, wait.. I can’t type. That’s the whole PROBLEM.”
At this point, I was dumb and didn’t listen to my instinct, and attempted to type in the code as he instructed me. In response, my computer shouted out a very loud “FUCK YOU” and began to go completely haywire. Windows were popping up simultaneously with error messages telling me why windows can’t appear on the screen, in a direct contradiction that made my brain pop a little. I’m frantically attempting to close these windows, and to soothe my computer out of its tantrum. Meanwhile, TSD is repeating back to me, “Oh, it is not working?”
NO YOU GODDAMN THIRD WORLD GOATFUCKER, IT’S NOT! I ALREADY EXPLAINED THAT TO YOU! DID I NOT USE SMALL ENOUGH WORDS FOR YOU TO COMPREHEND THE MESSAGE?!?!?!
Ok, I didn’t say that. After all, the guy’s just trying to make a buck. But I may have gotten a teensy bit snippy. Finally I just shut my computer off, and waited.
There was silence.
Finally, the silence was broken…
TSD: “Well, since this is not a hard drive issue, we can not fix it over the phone.”
Me: *There are no words* “Mmmphm.”
TSD: “…How would you like me to help you today?”
Me: *SLAMS!* *HEAD!* *ON!* *KEYBOARD!* *Takes a deep breath*
Me: “Yes, I would like to order a replacement keyboard for my computer. It may be covered by warranty, but if not, I am willing to pay whatever the charge may be.”
TSD: “Oh… Ok, well in order for me to do that, I must transfer you.”
TSD: “Thank you for calling blah blah blah blah blah” *transfers*
So I’m put on hold. I listen to music, file my nails, eat a sandwich, read a book… Finally, someone picks up.
Customer Service Dude: *Insert almost incomprehensible Indian accent here* “Thank you for calling HP Customer Service, may I have your name please?”
Me: *dies a little inside*
Once again, I give the guy my name, email, phone number, ovaries, and my computer’s product number. I tell him what’s up, and what I want to do. He tells me I can send my computer in to HP and they’ll install the new keyboard for free. Sounds great. Then comes this little gem:
Customer Service Dude: “All of the existing information on your hard drive will be lost. Is that okay with you?”
…Who the what in the HUH? But there’s nothing WRONG with my computer. Just the keyboard. I try to tell him that all I want is the FREAKIN’ KEYBOARD REPLACED! but he just rambles on about how they’re going to “fix” my computer up, and it’s all free ’cause it’s under warranty. Finally I surrender, and ask him to what address I will be shipping my computer.
CSD: “You will receive further information in an email from HP.”
I HAVE NO COMPUTER!!!!!!!!! How the HELL am I going to check my email if I can’t TYPE A FRIGGIN WEB ADDRESS IN?!?!
Okay, C, chill, you can use one of the library computers. No biggie.
So I say okay, give him my home address (in Richmond, whereas I am at school in Roanoke) since he told me they couldn’t ship computers to PO boxes (makes sense), thanked him for his help, and disconnected. And with 30 minutes to spare before I have to leave for work, too.
After my shift ended, I hit up Wallyworld to grab some packing supplies. Once home, I bowed my head and said a prayer for my computer before wrapping it up and packaging it. Only thing missing was an address, but not to worry, they said they would be sending me an email.
Nope. No email. (I used one of the computers in the study room).
At that point I just said fuck it. Hit up Ebay, found a replacement keyboard for my laptop model, bought it, got it Friday, had one of my friends install it for me today for free. All of which cost me less time, money and effort than I would have ended up spending had I shipped it off to HP.