It should never take an hour and twenty minutes to deliver a pizza less than one mile.
This guy managed it in the most hideously, uproariously RETARDED way possible. -_-#
At 4:35, I called in a pizza order. They said it'd be out to me in 30 to 45 minutes, which is standard turnaround for Papa John's.
5:15 came. No pizza.
5:20 came. No pizza.
5:30 came. Still no pizza. At this point, I decided not to tip the driver.
5:40 came. STILL no pizza.
5:45. Phone rings.
It's the delivery driver. He has gotten lost.
Understandable. It can happen to anyone. I figured he was probably a new driver, didn't know the routes, may not know the town so well...
So I ask him where he is, and he rattles off a couple street names. I ask him which way he was coming from Papa John's.
"I came down 69 and turned onto Gulfway."
Papa John's is on Jefferson. 69 is the other side of town. He had to have gone up Jefferson to the 73 junction, got on 73, got off at 69, and come to Gulfway that way.
Just for the record, Papa John's on Jefferson is HALF. A. MILE. from the Jefferson/Gulfway intersection, and another 1/4 of a mile from there to here.
I can understand "getting lost". I can understand "thinking the place is a lot further away than it really is".
But good GOD, man, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING HALFWAY ACROSS TOWN?!
So anyway, he turned right onto Gulfway from 69, which put him going the exact opposite direction of me. I got him turned around and told him where to look for my building. He stayed on the line with me, calling off the places of business he passed, and I encouraged him, helping him along.
He finally manages to get within pissing distance of the place...
...and PASSES IT.
So I have to get him turned back around, tell him what to look for, and after FIVE TRIES he FINALLY manages to find AND ENTER the complex.
I then have to direct him around to the rear entrance, and further am helpful by telling him exactly where the elevator is, and my location in relation to the elevator.
Him: "Are there any stairs?"
Me: "Um, yeah...right next to the elevator..."
Him: "I don't like elevators much, is why."
So I proceed--BARELY restraining my temper--in telling him where the stairs are, and where my apartment is from there. Then, realising just WHAT a dumbass I'm dealing with, I say, "You know, just...I'll be waiting by the exit from the stairs on the fourth floor for you."
So I head down there, wait five minutes for him to manage to get from his truck to the fourth floor by the stairs.
My bill was $18.29.
I handed him a $20.
"Are you gonna want change back?"
HELL YES I AM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING WANT OVER A DOLLAR IN CHANGE BACK AFTER I GAVE YOUR COMPLETELY STUPID AND LAME ASS A TWENTY DOLLAR MOTHERFUCKING BILL, BITCH!
Seeing it was gonna take him forever to figure out just how much $18.29 from $20 was, and that he was going to prevaricate to avoid rooting in his pockets to make correct change, I said, "Just gimme back $1.50 and call it even.
So he ended up getting a 21 cent tip.
In effect, a tip larger than his IQ.