I stopped taking the pill and didn’t go in to get it refilled for several reasons back in January, so I have been off of it for about four months now. Turns out, this is very, very bad. Very bad. One of the worst symptoms of my specific PMDD beast is an intense wave of suicidal behavior in that bad downward swing leading to my period. I am aware of this, and truly never should have stopped taking the medicine. Hindsight.
The wave happened, it was rough, I made it through - and immediately called the clinic to come in for an appointment to get my pill prescription refilled.
The nurse I saw refused to fill it. Her reason? I have migraines.
That, in and of itself, would have been okay. Difficult at first, but okay because I understand. CDC guidelines and all. The encounter, however, was so far from okay. She asked a very leading question - do I have vision changes with my headaches, yes, I do - and used that to equate me to having migraines with aura (a no-no for the CDC and birth control, which I know). BUT - I have never had migraines with aura in the nearly thirty years I have had these headaches.
She refused to listen to a word I said and, when I started bawling at seeing a potentially life-saving medication fully withheld, she said she might consider it if I got written consent from my neurologist. And then, best part, she told me that I needed mental help, and that I should compose myself because I needed to leave. Compose myself. So easy, right, when I had spent the previous two days convincing myself not to do something terrible because I was about to get help. After saying this, she left the exam room. So I was alone in there sobbing and definitely not okay, and she obviously did not care.
That was Thursday. I emailed my neurologist that day, and he was surprised to hear she would not prescribe the pill for me. I gave him her contact information and he reached out Friday morning. No response Friday. Nothing Monday.
Now today, Tuesday.
I called the clinic and spoke with her. She flat out refused to prescribe it at all, even with my doctor’s “permission”. She kept citing migraines with aura until I interrupted her to say I did not get that kind of migraine, and then she switched her tune to say her supervisor would not let her. I asked her about five times, pointedly, “So you will not prescribe this pill to me, a medication I need, even though I do not get migraines with aura and never have?”
She told me again I needed mental help, that she would not give me any form of birth control, and that it was not her problem if I was in need of help, that I needed to go somewhere else. I called back later to get the name of her supervisor and, surprise, she answered. All she would give me was a first name.
I made an appointment at another clinic, but the next availability they had was in three weeks.
At least I tried, right? I don't even know.