nature_sounds (nature_sounds) wrote in bad_service,

Around Christmas, I decided to give this thing called CrossFit a try. My ex, who I was still friends with, absolutely raved about it, it had become his second home, transformed his life, blah blah blah. It seemed okay. I mean, I was in intense pain all the time and almost puked/passed out during some of the work outs, but that only seemed to be encouraged by the "coaches," who are were all like "no pain, no gain" type of people.

I was super uncomfortable lifting weights, as I have had problems with separated shoulders, which makes for some very, very weak arms! I was kind of pushed into bench-pressing 25 lb dumbbells by the head coach (henceforth referred to as "B") of the establishment, who was spotting me pretty heavily, and when I went to drop the weight, I think it bounced or something and landed on the middle finger of my right (DOMINANT!) hand. Holy shit, the pain. I thought I was going to faint or vomit at any second. I couldn't control the tears from streaming down my face. B insisted it was okay, not broken, I shouldn't worry, there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know why I listened to him, because I have experienced two other fractures in my life and it's a very specific type of pain, and I was feeling it. So I waited a couple days and finally went to urgent care, where they did an x-ray and, surprise, it's fractured in TWO PLACES. My finger was gigantic. I couldn't type normally or hold a pen. It still hasn't returned to normal size months later, and I have some nerve damage in the tip.

So basically, I'm pressured by lifting a weight I don't feel comfortable, drop weight, told I'm fine, and lo and behold, multiple fractures!

But that's just a minor complaint next to what this supreme asshole, head coach B, did to me.

The head coach, B, offered to do a thing called "body composition" for me, where basically he used a little wand thing to measure my body fat content. I guess the idea is to see where you're making gains in terms of more muscle/less fat, rather than relying just on the number on the scale. Great. I have struggled with an ED for many years, which I told him. He does the measurements, has me take my shirt off, which I was kind of uncomfortable with, but hey, he's the professional, right?

This was supposed to be an every 2-3 week thing. Eventually, he was requesting that he measure me every week, because hey, you have an eating disorder! Don't you want to know this? Fuck yeah I do! I used to weigh myself 5 times a day. I need to know these things. Just so you know, I'm a 21 year old woman, he is a 30 year old man, ex-marine; kind of intimidating.

Then it became weirder...because he insisted that my bra was getting in the way and that it would just be easier for me to take it off. Uhm, okay. I guess. He says that most of the people do this. Not totally comfortable with it, but I don't want to offend. And perhaps (but not really) it would have been okay if he had just kept it at that. But no, he had to ask me questions about my pierced nipples, even reaching out and touching them once. Or commenting on how perky my breasts are, or their symmetry. Or saying things like "Oh come on, this is the best part of the day!" when I went to put my shirt back on.

I had stopped asking to be measured. He would just sort of say, he let's do your measurements. And I was just too meek to say no. Thinking about it more, I noticed that he only requested that we do them on the days his wife wasn't there.

I eventually just stopped going and then emailed him and told him I couldn't afford it anymore, which is plausible, as membership is $105 a month. He emailed me back and said that he would cancel my account, but that I could keep going for free and it would "be our secret." What. the. fuck. That was kind of the final straw for creeping me out and I just stopped replying at that point. He texted/emailed me a few more times, and I called my boyfriend crying and finally told him what had been going on because I was just filling with panic every time I got a text from him.

Up until a couple weeks ago, I was still on his email list, so I was getting his updates about the gym. That means this guy's name would be in my inbox a couple times a week, sometimes more. I finally collected the courage to send an email saying to take me off his email list. I'll just put the following correspondences here.

Jun 3 (13 days ago)

to me
Did we offend you in some way? I am slightly confused. I offered you to come to the box for free until you got back on your feet and you never replied. I truly thought we were helping you.


to B*****
I was offended by your inappropriate actions and touching when you did my body composition, and the habitual sexual comments/harassment. So no, you haven't helped me.


to me
Oh my god T*****, I am so sorry. I never meant to offend you in any way. I wish I could take back whatever I said and did. I am sorry.


(NOTE: That just pissed me the fuck off. Seriously, you have no idea what you did wrong? I resisted the urge to write back "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK" and instead spent about 30 minutes in the shower composing a response)

to B******
Right, I'm sure you had no idea. Perhaps you were too dense to notice that I stopped asking for body comps myself; you simply volunteered to do them. Or that you only, ONLY, volunteered on days that Amanda wasn't at the box. Crazy coincidence. Every. Single. Time.

If you honestly thought that the way you touched (and commented on) my nipple piercings and breasts in general were innocent actions, then you need to be educated because that is beyond reasonable and approaching molestation. And the comments, my god. If only your wife had heard them. The few people I have told about this were completely outraged that you even had me take my bra off in the first place. You have NO idea how those actions can affect a person like me. And you purport to have multiple eating disordered clients. I can only assume you treat them with as much dignity.

You are an older man in a position of power. You abused that power. I suggest you stay away from impressionable, insecure young women, because you clearly do not know how to conduct yourself properly.


I told him not to reply to me, because I can't stand seeing his name in my inbox. He seems to have removed me from his email list, finally. I told my ex about what he did. He reacted all shocked, but won't say/do anything, because he's too worried about how it will affect him socially at the gym. He doesn't want B to treat him any differently. Can't believe I dumped that guy! And wow, that got kind of long.

*edited to fix typo

Edited to add: I told my mom pretty soon after I told my boyfriend and she insisted she was going to contact the guy, then I decided that I should speak to an attorney. Except she never really brought it up again, I did a few times, and now I just feel awkward about saying anything. What could I possibly do about something that happened months ago, with no proof? And I get the feeling that a lot of people would tell me that nothing really bad happened, and I often feel like an idiot for being so upset over it anyway. I don't know what to do.
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