You know I told you to knock it off? In this post? You didn't. And you are seriously pissing me off.
Problem 1: I need someone who understands English accents and has a decent telephone manner. I keep getting people who don't seems to be able to understand any English at all. And it's not because they have a thick accent - as far as I can tell, they seem to speak with English ones, and I have a very clear telephone voice, or so I'm told. Phone line is clear, and it just seems to go around in circles.
Me: No, Roberts.
Them: Yes, Richards... I'm sorry, you're speaking too weirdly. Can you spell it out?
Me: *LoL what? Weirdly? But fine, whatever...*...R...
Me.... R. R for... Robot. R for... Rabbit.
Me: R. O. B. E. R. T. S.
Them: Yes, RICHards?
Me: No... Let's start again.
And then when it comes to my address:
Them: Can you give me the first line of your address?
Me: 8, Ordinary Avenue...
Them: 80 Not My Street?
Me: D: No. 8, Ordinary Avenue. 8, O-R-D-.
Them: Ooooh. 80 A Different But Still Not My Street.
Me: No. 8, O-R-D-I
Them: 75, Really Not My Street.
A significant amount of time later:
Them: ....something incredibly garbled that may or may not have included the phrase rejected....
Me: I'm sorry, I can't understand that...
Them: Speaking way too fast.
Me: I need you to slow down.
Them: Still speaking far too fast.
Me: Can you slow down?
And so it goes on.
Nobody seems to talk to anybody. Anywhere. I speak to them, they make lots of typing sounds, say they are leaving a note on my account... aaaannd nothing appears to the next person I speak to in this sorry saga. I ask again, and nothing appears the next time. They seem to be just typing onto nothing since NOBODY LEAVES ANY MESSAGES FOR ANYBODY ELSE.
Ask and you shall not recieve, it seems to be.
Problem 3: Being Helpful is not a part of my Job.
Your documents are in a different department? Well, I don't know when we'll get them back. No, I can't phone. That's not my department. I don't know. No, I can't give you an email address. No, I can't send you to that department - they're internal only. There's no general time frame, everybody's application is different. No, I don't know how to get in contact with them. Yes, I'll send you to my supervis.... BEEEEEP.
And that's when I get hung up on. For the fourth time.
Problem 4: Online is not better. Stop telling me that. I just end up back on the phone, asking questions. Having your reps mention online every fifteen seconds is annoying. Stop. It. Now.
A Moment of Shining Light:
And then. Break through. My application is being held up due to the Department of Work and Pensions. Now, of course, Student Finance England can't talk to this Mythical Department, can't put me through and seem to think that because they have found the problem, they don't actually need to do anything else. They don't know why it's being held up, and they can't seem to muster up the energy to enquire. Why yes, I did indeed quit my job. But... surely. After THREE MONTHS you might have worked this out? Well. When will I find out about my application? You don't know?
Well, fancy that. Don't know WHY I expected a different answer...
I get three hundred minutes a month on my phone - I've used nearly a hundred just on the Goon Squad at SFE, and so far all I've got is a headache, no money and a feeling of going around in circles.
TL:DR. Nobody knows what anyone else is doing, people keep going around in an ever increasing maze, being sent to a supervisor means being hung up on, nobody understands what I want, and for everyone who keeps telling me to go online - fuck you... It justs says to phone you, and that's not going to change no matter how many times you tell me that online is better.
I need some bloody coffee.