I met with the executive director of the YMCA this afternoon. He gave a variety of reasons that the instructor did what he did, including a training the director had done on Wednesday about getting the timid ones off the wall and engaged (obviously not talking about in deep water, or with the force used on my kid). Ultimately he said that she never should have been taken to the deep end, even with a float, even if the rest of the kids in her class were ready for that. And obviously if she shouldn't have been taken down there, the pulling her off the wall, dunking her and making her sit out was completely out of line. When I see the awesome progress my older (outgoing, confident, fearless), it's obviously not that this guy just completely fails as an instructor. So I accepted the directors vow of training and more careful assignment of the instructor, instead of outright firing him.
In addition to the retraining, the director offered us a free session of one-on-one lessons with the teacher that approached me after yesterday's lesson. She obviously had spoken with the director before I got there because he knew who I was talking about without me giving a name. So we are doing those lessons next week and I think this teacher will be really good for my daughter, she seems very patient and understanding of the fear. Overall, I'm satisfied with the response I got today. Thanks for all the advice & support in my post last night, it definitely helped me prepare myself for this meeting today