Where even were we?
As it was left Wednesday, the key had been authorized and would be ready Thursday or Friday and then when the key was ready the car would be delivered.
Nobody will be surprised to hear that I didn't get any phone calls on Thursday.
Friday (today) comes along and at 2pm the BMW dealership calls.
They are like, "So, is anybody going to pick up this key?"
I am like, "Yes, the shipper."
They are like, "Well we called him yesterday and left a message that the key was ready and we haven't heard anything."
I am like, "So, the key has been ready since yesterday and it is now nearing close of business on Friday before a holiday weekend and this shipper still hasn't picked it up??!"
So I send off a letter to the broker that was basically like, "When is this car coming and how much are you going to take off the bill?"
At about 3:30 the broker calls back to respond. They say that they will call the shipper. They will also take $100 off their bill (which was $200) but that the deal with the shipper (originally $695) is the deal with the shipper.
While I am on the phone with the broker my call waiting is going INCESSANTLY.
Literally whoever it is is just dialing and dialing and dialing, calling over and over and over again.
I am like, dude, LEAVE. A MESSAGE.
So finally the call with the broker winds down and the call waiting is still going so I switch the phone over.
It is the driver. (Note, not the head of the shipping company, just the individual driver.)
The driver is like, "I am three blocks away with your car."
And I am like, "Well, wait a minute, how much are you expecting to be paid for this? This still needs to be discussed."
The driver is like, "The shipper wants $595."
I am like, "I don't think that $100 off the bill is enough to make up for this gigantic fiasco."
The driver is like, "Well, you need to call the shipper."
I tell him that the broker is calling the shipper and that I will wait for their call to get the final price.
About 45 minutes later, at 4:15, a partner from the firm comes in my office to discuss one of our non-profit organizations that we represent (see? I'm a nice lawyer).
No sooner has this partner sat down than the god damn phone starts blowing up again.
It is the same ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, constantly, with no one leaving a message.
I mean, who the hell do these people think they are?
They had ALL DAY today to call and arrange delivery for the car and then suddenly at 4:15 they are blowing up the phone. Hello, I am AT WORK. I am IN A MEETING. LEAVE A MESSAGE AND WAIT A WHILE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
Their philosophy literally is that when they are ready to deliver the car you better stop whatever ou are doing, get your ass out of the shower and come out in a towel or you aren't being cooperative enough with them.
Could they not have made these arrangements at like, 10am???
So finally I have to take the call and it is the shipper. He is like, the guy is ready to deliver the car. I am like, "Well we haven't worked out the money." So then he and I and go round and round on the phone with him for half an hour that there is no way on God's green earth I am paying $595 for this.
I want to pay HALF, which is $350.
He thinks this is completely unacceptable.
I am like, "What makes you think you even deserve A CENT?"
Finally he protests that he won't even break even, his expenses were $450.
I am like, fine, if your expenses were $450 then I will pay you $450 and we can be even.
Suddenly $450 was just for the gas.
I am like, I DON'T CARE, WHEN YOU FUCK UP YOU TAKE A HIT. YOU DON'T STILL GET PAID AS IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED UP.
Finally after like 40 minutes on the phone he goes down to $500.
Begrudgingly, I agree to this.
I go to the ATM, get the money, and come back.
Now I am waiting and waiting and waiting at work on a Friday night until 7pm.
At 3:30 they were blowing up the phone saying the car was three blocks away, now I am waiting an hour and a half for them to show up.
So FINALLY, I make arrangements that the car is here.
Everyone who was skimming this little tldr here, snap to and read closely. Here is where it gets good.
So the car is here and I go to the front of the building and see the car parked directly in front of the door. There is a teenage looking kid standing there in the rain who is evidently the driver. His truck is parked a good distance away in a roomier part of the driveway, and it is evident he dropped the car where the truck would be easiest to maneuver and then drove the car to the smaller section.
I take this as a good sign that the car, you know, runs.
So he hands me the little form to sign that the car arrived in good condition, and I walk around the car and look for dents or obvious signs of abuse and don't find any.
So I sign the form, hand him $500 in cash and wait for him to prepare the receipt and bring me the back license plate so that we can finally finish this transaction.
While I am waiting for him to go to his truck and do all this and come back, I start switching things over from the big truck into the Bimmer. You know, GPS, phone charger, the dog carrier, etc.
Suddenly I see out of the corner of my eye: his truck departing.
I am like, "??? Why is he leaving? Where is my license plate? What about my receipt?"
And then suddenly I am like HOLY FUCKING CHRIST HE JUST DELIVERED MY CAR WITH THE LICENSE PLATE MISSING AND HAS LEFT WITHOUT GIVING ME A RECEIPT.
So immediately I call the shipper and I am like, "Um, your driver forgot to give me back my plate."
The shipper is like, "What plate?"
I am like, "The license plate to my car. He left without giving it back."
The shipper is like, "We don't have your plate."
I am like, "What do you mean you don't have it? You obviously removed it for whatever reason and now I would like it back."
The shipper is like, "No, we don't remove plates. Sometimes customers ship the cars with the plates and sometimes without. But check the trunk, maybe it is in the trunk."
I check the trunk, no plate.
I am like WHERE IS MY LICENSE PLATE? DID YOU SERIOUSLY DELIVER MY CAR WITH NO LICENSE PLATE????
So then it becomes clear that this is evidently not some routine part of the transaction and that yes, they have actually lost my license plate, and I have blithely handed them $500 in cash and signed that this is a ok and they have not even given me a receipt.
At this point I freaking lost it and commenced screaming into the phone like a crazy lady in the middle of the parking lot.
And his response was basically, "Take me to court for it then."
So, where it stands now is that the first place I drove my car was the police station to report my plate stolen, and first thing on Monday morning I am going to call the broker to find out the full name and address of this shipper so that I can know where to serve the law suit.
I can't believe that I am not even making this up.
This has got to be the worst service in the history of the universe.