perfect_beaker (perfect_beaker) wrote in bad_service,

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An Open Letter to Christine, Our Friendly Cashier:

Dear Christine,

I'm sorry that you had to work the night shift. I'm sorry if someone urinated in you corn flakes this morning. I'm sorry for whatever moronic customers came through your checkout line today, but I happen to have control of most if not all of my facilities, including speech and comprehension. I'm sorry your company has started using substandard plastic when making their value cards, and I'm sorry that mine broke off at some point while I was out last week. I apologize heartily that when you brayed "D'you have a valu caaarrrd?" at the top of your lungs while I was still 5 feet from your checkout line that I started and dropped my bag. I'm sorry it took a second for me to get my bearings and stammer that no, I did not have my value card and would have to apply for a new one. I appreciate you walking away from me while I was in the middle of explaining that to you, and love the attention and care you gave me when you slammed a new application for a valuecard down onto the minicounter for me. When I asked you for a pen, you brightened up my day when you crowed, "You can fill that out at home and just mail it in." I'm sorry that your frowning and scowling takes up most of your attention, because that has to be why you took so incredibly long to grasp each of my items in a white-knuckle-kung-fu deathgrip, including my tomatoes, and slam them down on the electronic eye until the item burst or the electric eye submitted to your crabby iron will. I'm sorry that even the bagboy thought you were taking way too long, and ran up to the front of the line to shove as many of my items across the scanner, (thankfully saving my eggs), and saving you at least another 15 minutes that you can devote to frowning and generally looking extremely unpleasant. I'm sorry you didn't want to stick around when I scanned my card and the recipts were printing, one of which we had to sign, and that I took it upon myself to take the recipt from the printer and sign it with a pen I happened to find in my recently-dropped purse and hand it to you. I'm not sure if you meant it when you demanded that I have a good night, and I'm even more dubious if the request that I return again soon was sincere. I hope that next time you're having a better day, or that you've got the day off, because I may not be able to restrain myself from asking how your cornflakes tasted this morning.

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