He said that in good conscience, he couldn't possibly fix a tooth that was so "messed up," and that that was why the crown had come off in the first place, because it wasn't protected by the teeth in front of it.
So, first, I would have to get braces to even out my front teeth.
No, seriously, he seemed to think that I had no reason not to want to spend thousands of dollars and go through a year of a missing front tooth (nothing like missing teeth to make people judge you harshly) behind braces (my teeth are not perfect, but they're fairly straight except for that front tooth and a slightly more off-kilter bottom tooth.)
Also, he explained he could put a tooth in the "correct" spot, but a normal-tooth wouldn't fit, and I wouldn't want a smaller tooth than the other front tooth, riiiiight? He said this AS IF IT WASN"T FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY!!! C'mon, I HAD a normal sized front tooth, it had stood me in good stead until my encounter with the door, how stupid did this man think I was? He may have a degree, but I KNOW WHAT SIZE MY OWN TEETH ARE!
He charged around a hundred bucks for the 10-minute consultation (this was almost 20 years ago; by contrast, I paid $127 for a crown-replacement at my nice, kind, normal dentist's office just a month ago.)
I found another dentist, who made me a beautiful new front tooth that has lasted decades, despite the fact that my off-kilter teeth are, in Joe INeedtoMakeaYachtPayment, DDS' professional opinion, so messed up that a crown should have gone flying out the way I did out of his office!