I got there, was seated right away (bonus!) and the waitress took my order. Drinks arrived, salad arrived, garlic bread arrived, all was well. I finished eating and that's when things got dodgy.
I pushed my salad plate away, took a sip of my drink, and a waiter popped up next to me like Spring Heeled Jack (seriously scared me, okay, he was not there a minute ago), grabbed the plate, put a dessert menu on top of my drink (bizarre place for a menu - and also, I was drinking that) and promptly zoomed off again.
I gawped gormlessly for a moment or two and then hesitantly picked it up and put it on the table. I looked around and couldn't see him, so decided to wait until he Spring-Heeled his way back over to me, so I carried on reading (looking up after every three paragraphs or so) and he didn't appear.
Anyway, fast forward, I've read quite a lot of my book at this point and Spring-Heel hasn't made a re-appearance. I'm starting to get a little worried when the original waitress makes a reappearance. She said that she was on a break and Spring-Heel was meant to have taken over. He apparently thought I had finished and was after dessert (which explains the menu, although not the odd placement of said menu, or how I was supposed to get said dessert order to him, unless he is operating on a telepathic network), that she's sorry, and that she'll tell the kitchen to start cooking.
Okay. Not great, but hey - I'm not in a hurry.
So I carry on reading, finish the book, pull out another one, am two chapters in when my calzone arrived.
First thing I noticed, once I'd cut it open, is that it is chock-full of onions. It was pretty much 95 percent onion, with an okay amount of chicken, a couple of slices of pepperoni and maybe a handful or two of cheese. I brush most of the onion aside and carry on eating, but then I got to the middle and - turned out it's cold.
So I caught her eye, she came over, I explain, she whisked it away with apologies.
They cooked me a new pizza, that one was slightly less (although only slightly, I still felt a bit like I was about to be whisked away by the Onion Overlords for offences against Onionkind if I ate it) onion-filled and actually cooked through. The salad that was meant to accompany it has now been reduced to one leaf of lettuce and a wedge of tomato, but since I wasn't actually planning on eating the salad I wasn't so bothered about that.
Didn't opt for dessert in the end, I figured with my luck it probably would turn out to be not defrosted properly or have an icicle stuck through it or one red onion displayed on top like a decoration. So I just paid and left.
Still not entirely sure HOW that waiter was planning on taking my order.
(For reference, I did send a letter in detailing what had happened, with a copy of my recipt fixed to it, but I haven't heard back.)