I pull up to the drive-thru and begin to place my order.
DTL= Drive thru lady
SA1 = Sandwich Artist 1
SA2 = Sandwich Artist 2
Me: Yeah, I'd like a six inch turkey, no cheese-
DTL: What kind of cheese?
Me: No cheese, please *pause* and I'd like blah blah veggies.
DTL: OK *repeats order* I still didn't get what kind of cheese you wanted, hun.
Me: I don't want cheese.
DTL: We have American, Pepperjack, Mozzerella...
Me: figuring the drive-thru speaker might be faulty NO CHEESE!
DTL: ....oookay. Pull around.
So I pull around and pay for my sandwich.. There's a line inside so it takes a few minutes for them to get started. SA1 picks up my ticket, stares at it as though it is written in Farsi and heads to the window.
SA1: Miss, what kind of cheese did you want?
Me: I don't want cheese, but thank you.
SA1: You don't want cheese?
Me: No. I don't want cheese.
SA1: Ooookaay...*baffled look*
I figure this is the end of it. But then my sandwich gets to the veggie station. SA2 stares at it. Her lips part and her nose wrinkles. Clearly, something has disturbed her.
SA2: Hey, Ray?
SA2: You forgot the cheese on this.
SA1: She don't want cheese.
SA2: She don't want cheese?
SA1: No. She said she don't want cheese.
This is apparently too much for SA2 to process [see what I did there?]. She heads to the window. I try not to eat my own fist.
SA2: Miss, you don't want cheese on this?
Me: OMFG, do you people work for the National Dairy Association? No ma'am. No cheese.
SA2: *blinkblink* You sure?
At this point, I realize I'm going to have to explain my motives so that they don't think I'm an alien life form or perhaps a terrorist.
Me: YES. I'm trying to lose weight. Therefore, no cheese.
SA2: lightbulb goes *ding* OOOH! Like Jared!
Me: Sigh. Yes. Like Jared.
SA2: OK! No cheese it is, then!
Dear Local Subway: Giving up cheese is not an easy thing for me. I love me some cheese. Repeatedly tempting me with cheese angers me and makes me apt to climb through the drive-thru window and eat both you and the cash register, as well as every shiny orange triangle I can get my hands on. Also, once you've established that I'm trying to lose weight, "like Jared", why on earth would you interperet "a tiny bit of light mayo" as a direction to absolutely float my veggies in the stuff? Are you feeling sorry for me and trying to make up for the cheese I've selflessly denied myself? Have you been sent here to tempt me and lead me astray? What have I ever done to you?