March 6th, 2016

lol walmart

I had to go to walmart. I like walmart. I know many people at walmart where I shop and we're all friendly.

But today OY!

It started out good I cashed a check and went into the mobile store to look at cell plans for the future.

after that I just shopped around in no particular hurry until it came time to get cleaning supplies.

I stopped at an employee and asked if he could help me.

after he stared at me ike Cletus the slack jawed yokal for a good ten minutes he finally managed to figure out how to say "Yes"

I proceed to ask him if he could direct me to where I could find something to clean my microwave with. After another ten minute pause he said "Clean your microwave?"

And I said yes and after ANOTHER ten minute pause he said "What do you mean clean your microwave?"

So I had to sit there in my cart and explain to him what clean means.

then when he continued with his Cletus impression I had to explain to him what a microwave was.

His next "Brilliant" response? "What do you mean clean it? Why would you clean a microwave?"

apparently my answer of "Because it's dirty and when things are dirty one tends to clean them?" seemed too complex for his "vast" mind to follow.

Finally I just moved out and got what I knew I needed and as I was doing so I happened apon a lady shopping so I said aloud as if I were thinking "What cleans a microwave anyway I wonder?" she heard me and said "409 multi surface" .

that was done. then after paying for my things I realized I got something we already had and so off to customer service it was.

where I had to explain to the clerk there what I needed "You need somethin?" was his question. then I had to explain the problem and even ended with "So I need to exchange these items" which did no good because he STILL asked "What do you want me to do about it?" then "What do you mean exchange?" so I basically had to baby this ADULT man and explain word by word step by step what an exchange is. (think "First I hand you what I'm returning and my receipt" then me holding both out and him standing there leading me to say "then you take the items I'm exchanging and my receipt from me" and so on all the way through.)

when that was finally done I went to the money center to pay my mobile bill (walmart family)

Where I discovered much to my blush I could not remember my phone number when the clerk demanded "Phone number!" and I dumbly replied "Pardon?" "PHONE! NUM! BER!" so I had to blush and say "I forgot" and that lead them to ask me in a sarcastic high talking to a dim newborn baby voice who's phone it was and when I said "Mine" ask me in the same voice why I didn't know my own number. then "educate" me on how memorizing "our" phone number "Helps" in what I guess was his best "Barney" voice.

So I went to the mobile department to see if they could check by account and after the guy there spoke down to me as if I were a puppy I came away with my number (and a helpful hint on how one reads a number off a paper it's written down on as if I didn;t know)

Back to the money center. I gave the information and was told the price it was 85 cents more than I gave so I handed over an extra dollar and even said "Have to break this for the cents sorry" the guy stood there holding the dollar as if it were going to bite him and stared at me.

Confused I said "It's a dollar?" and he said "And?" and I said "And if you break it you'll have the 85 cents you said was included in the price?" and he said "It's a dollar" so I had to sit there and educate him how to count and he works at the MONEY center!

then after I got him to understand the terribly complex and hard task of turning dollar into change I thought I was done. But no he continued to stare at me.

"Are we done?" I asked he said "You gave me a dollar" and I held my hand out taking that to mean "Here's the rest of the money since it was only 85 cents so I owe you 15 cents" He continued to stare at me as if he was expecting something to happen.

"Did I have change?" I asked confused. more staring. "Did you want to hand me a receipt?" more staring. "Did you want something from me?" that got an answer but only "You handed me a dollar".

So I said "OK? can you not make change?" "You handed me a dollar." "Yes. A dollar is 100 cents. 85 comes before 100" "You gave me a dollar" lather rinse repeat.

So I said "Yes. YOu said the price was 20.85. I don't have 85 cents in change but I have a dollar and you can get 85 cents from a dollar if you break it into coins then count out until you reach 85 cents. " "You gave me a dollar!" "Yes because I didn't already have the 85 cents." "You gave me a DOLLAR!!!!!!" "Yes I know. can you not make change? Do you need me to find a manager?" "YOU! GAVE! ME! A! DOLLAR!" "Yes so you told me but what is the problem with that?" "the price is 20.85 and you gave me a dollar." "Yes for the 85 cents." "You gave me a dollar!" lather rinse repeat.

So finally I dug around in my purse to see if I could find freaking 85 cents in coins.

and that's when I found the twenty.

Slowly it dawned on me what I said done and I handed over the twenty while apologizing rapidly and my friend who also works money center started cracking up. (I laughed too)

But really "You gave me a dollar" does NOT equal "You forgot to hand me the twenty ma'am"

what a day!