My husband is pushing our double stroller filled with our 3 year old son, our 1 year old son & packages. I'm walking to his left holding the hand of our 6 year old daughter. We approach this kiosk (in passing - not like we're checking out what they're selling) and I'm watching this guy pulling some super-weird alien-looking brain probe massager off this woman's head & completely missing the other salesperson (and I use that term loosely) approaching us, guerilla-warfare style, from the other side.
All of a sudden, this woman SWOOPS down on my daughter, arms flailing like a chick at a Dead concert after 1 too many hits during Jerry's guitar solo halfway through "Terrapin Station" with a blue, rubber, nubby massager in each hand. She literally ASSAULTS my daugher, rubbing her up & down both her front & back with these massagers before my brain can register what she's doing & order her to QUIT IT. As I'm taking a breath, she moves over to me & TOUCHES ME with these instruments of harrassment rubbing up & down my back, WHILE I'M WALKING AWAY. I'm so thrown, all I can say is, "Hey....hey....HEY!!!!" as I try to wiggle out of her reach. Then, I start spouting, in a very loud voice, "She TOUCHED me!!!! Why would anyone think it's okay to TOUCH random people as they walk by??? STOP TOUCHING PEOPLE!!!!!!"
WTF??? What the bloody, bleeding hell was THAT??? Don't you ASK before you assault someone with whatever it is you're selling? Do perfume hawkers at Nordstrom just jump, Navy SEAL-style, from behind a rack of cargo pants and cover you in Claiborne?? Do the skin care kiosks forcibly wrench your hands from your stroller and squirt your whole arm with cucumber-scented lotion?? Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but urban massage assault is completely out-of-bounds as far as I'm concerned. Or maybe I'll go back & see if she's interested in the line of purses I'm selling by smashing her in the face with it. Psycho.