When you are charging nearly £8 for a plate of carbonara, it is not in any way appropriate to make said carbonara with tinned ham. And I don't think the sauce is meant to have the consistency of wallpaper paste.
Also, when your restaurant has at least ten empty tables, it is not very cool to seat two large and unrelated groups next to each other, right by the loos, so that any other customer who wants to use them has to ask at least three strangers if they would mind moving their chairs.
And finally, when we come up to the counter and ask for the bill, please do not sigh at me and tell me you bring it to the table. You obviously don't bring it to the table, since we've been sat at said table for twenty minutes trying fruitlessly to catch your eye while you wander past.
She who had indigestion all the way down the A1