(suitablyemoname) wrote in bad_service,

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But could I get it in a bundle?

Aren't telephone companies great? This is something of a saga, so I've cut it for your protection.

I'm moving, so I need to get my telephone service changed to a new address. I only want telephone service. My telephone company also offers internet service, cable service, and would probably provide equally overpriced and unreliable sexual favours if you asked them politely and got them drunk first.

I spent 30 minutes going through their overly-baroque and circular automated answering system only to be transferred to a human being anyway. I admittedly wasn't in the best mindset when I finally got through to a human being, but... well, read and see.

Telecom Lady: "Thank you for calling [telecom company]! What can I do for you today?"
Me: "Hi there... I'm moving, and I need my number and account forwarded to the new address."
[Telecom Lady and I do the necessary exchange of personal information to verify identity]
Telecom Lady: "Great! I see here that you're only signed up for basic telephone. Did you know we also offer a variety of internet and cable services?"
Me: "I did, and I'm not interested."
Telecom Lady: "In fact, if you bundle your internet and phone line, you save money! If you add cable, you save even more!"
Me: "I'm not interested."
Telecom Lady: "Are you sure? We have a limited-time offer on the internet..."
Me: "I'm not interested."
Telecom Lady: "All right. What can I help you with today?"
Me: [Didn't I already say this?] "I'm moving, and I'd like my account and number forwarded to my new address."
Telecom Lady: "Sure thing. What's the new address?"
Me: "[i gif addrez]"
Telecom Lady: "Ok, there will be a 60-dollar [Canadian dollars] connection fee."
Me: "That's fine." [I mean, it's a bit exorbitant, but to be expected.]
Telecom Lady: "Did you know that connection fees are waived if you commit to a year of bundled telephone and internet service?"
Me: "I'm not interested."
Telecom Lady: "You could also bundle telephone and cable."
Me: "I'm not interested."
Telecom Lady: "Fine, that's fine. Well, tell you what... we can't forward your number, but we offer an automated answering service that will tell people calling your former number to call your new one instead. It's 90 dollars for 6 months."
Me: "I'm not interested."
Telecom Lady: "But if you buy advanced telephone service, you get three free telephone features, which might include that answering service. So, how about it?"
Me: "I really only want basic telephone service."
Telecom Lady: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yep."
Telecom Lady: "Ok! But before I let you go, have you heard about our bundles?" [I wish I was kidding about this one.]
Me: "Yes, I have."
Telecom Lady: "Can I interest you in any of them? You can bundle your telephone and your internet servi..."
Me: "I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested."
Telecom Lady: "Fair enough. Well, you're set! Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Me: "No, thank you."
Telecom Lady: "All right. You'll get a confirmation of the transaction by e-mail within 24 hours."

So I got the confirmation.

Dear [name],

Thank you for your telephone call on [date]. We're pleased you've decided to stick with [telecom company], and we look forward to doing business with you in future! Here is a summary of the services added to your account as a result of that telephone call:
  • Telephone-internet bundle service (12 months)
If you have any questions or comments, please get back to us at [telephone number].

[Requisite 30-minute tap-dance with automated voice system before I get to speak to a real person.]
(Different) Telecom Lady: "Hi there! Thank you for calling [telecom company], what can I do for you today?"
Me: "Hi there. According to this e-mail confirmation, I've been signed up for services I haven't requested. I'd like to cancel them."
Telecom Lady: "I'm sorry to hear that. Well, let's get that sorted out."
[Information and identification verification tango]
Telecom Lady: "It says here you're signed up for the telephone-internet bundle for 12 months. Is that correct?"
Me: "No, I only want basic telephone service."
Telecom Lady: "All right, but did you know that if you add cable to that bundle, you'd save even more money?"
Me: "I only want basic telephone service."
Telecom Lady: "So you'd like me to cancel the bundle and sign you up for basic telephone service?"
Me: "Yes."
Telecom Lady: "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer advanced service? You'd get three free telephone features, such as caller ID, call waiting..."
Me: "I only want basic telephone service."
Telecom Lady: "Well, I'm afraid I can't cancel the bundle, since internet access in your area is handled by a third party, and the connection order is still in transit. It should arrive by the end of next week (!!!!!), and you'll be able to cancel it then. You know what, though, if you add cable to the bundle..."

One musn't expect much from telecom companies, but that (^) is ridiculous. I've been signed up for a service I deliberately refused to order, I'm unable to cancel it until it's convenient for them to do so, and every other word I say is taken as an opportunity to up-sell me! I want basic telephone service, not this monstrosity.
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